alanda510's Blog

Where I am now

I was talking to a friend last night. He's come to a new stage in his life and is interested in keeping a journal. We went over all the different types of ways to document our lives and I remembered how this site helped me a lot when I was going through a really difficult time. I logged on today for the first time in a couple of months and after reading some of my old posts I think I should give a current update LOL (my past posts are kind of depressing). As of today; things are not perfect be they're kind of GREAT . I'm so close to where I was before I had my heart broken. I'm glad to be able to say that because I swore I would never heal. I'm not 100% but it has nothing to do with "him"... leave it up to me to find new issues LOL. I have the kind the happiness that isn't contingent upon who is or isn't in my life at the moment, it comes from within. I really hope it stays this way.

Blocked huh?

Blocked huh? But I thought you wanted to be friends??? LOL. Well, had you given me a real explanation for our break up, I wouldn't have to look for answers on FB.

P.S. You should really set your page to private ;-)

If I'm not your type

If I'm not your type, why choose to destroy my life. There are many people who I don't give the time of day because I know there's no chance between us... you know you don't like my kind, why did you make my heart your experiment? Just to see what my kind is like? Does it make you smile to know that I don't anymore? Does it bring you joy to know you can be frivolous with a woman's feelings? No matter what "type" we are we all hurt the same. Sorry I don't measure up to other standards of beauty. I used to believe I was beautiful in my own way. I hate that I hurt so bad. I don't think I'm getting better I'm just getting used to feeling terrible all the time.

It's over

I tripped
I fell
I crashed
I burned
but at least I know it's definitely over. Time to move on.

I wish there was an instruction manual. I'd follow every direction with no deviation; this would be the diet I wouldn't cheat on. I'll do anything to feel better.

I commit to no more tears. No more pining over old texts. I have to get on with my life.

I accept that I'm hurt. I have to give everything due time.

I just want to scream, cry and throw up

I don't know what to do with myself. I am a miserable mess. I'm terrified of people in general. Where did my confidence go? Why can't I be happy? This asshole has shaken my faith in people in general. I would completely understand if there was some sort or impasse or something really bad happened but nothing went wrong. He literally woke up one morning and decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. "Moving too fast"? Bitch please! Be a man and say what's really on your mind. We're moving too fast but one week later you're fucking someone else. I HATE YOU! I wish you would die! Or that this new bitch breaks your heart in to a billion pieces and it takes you three months to put it back together again. I so desperately want to move on but I'm afraid to get close to anyone because I'm scared they'll do this to me again. Please God.. anyone... tell me what did I do to deserve this. I was so happy before him. Who is he to come in my life and destroy it? Do you think you're too good for me? You're not. Do you think you'll find better than me? You won't. You need to take care of your insecurities before you decide to be a part of  another person's life.  The next woman may not politely disappear and whether I will is still up for discussion.

1-5 of 5 Blogs   

Previous Posts
Where I am now, posted August 8th, 2013
Blocked huh?, posted February 19th, 2013
If I'm not your type, posted February 11th, 2013
It's over, posted February 7th, 2013
I just want to scream, cry and throw up, posted February 5th, 2013

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